Rest and Work! How Ironic!

So I am in bed rest, doctor's orders!  But I also have so much work to do! Omg, do I have work to do!  But I guess now I have the time to do it!  Just take it little by little, as my wise friend, Erica, suggested.  I've also been told by my mother to stop everything altogether, but I'm not sure if I want to do that.  Actually, I would love to do that, but I'm not in the position to have that luxury.  There are goals which need to be obtained.  Personal goals, like school.  There are medical needs which need to be met, which right now requires bed rest and I'm trying my best to follow that.  I guess what a sensible person would do is take the time out and bed rest completely without any distractions.  Health must come first, people always say.  But I really want to focus on my goals, even if I have to go slower.  That's fine, as long as I don't stray away from the path.  I've done that too many times in the past and it has gotten me nowhere and this time I want things to be different.  I want things to be more positive.  I want to be happy.  And finishing school will make me happy.  I know it will take a bit longer than expected, but I know I can do it.  My goal is to graduate with an associates degree in May.  If it happens, then awesome!  If it doesn't, then I can say I did my best, as Dane would say!  And on that note it is time for best, so until next time! Good night and sweet dreams!  I will leave you with a lullaby from my current inspiration, Elmo.

It's father's day and I feel like shit...

I feel worthless.  I feel like nothing matters.  Not even love anymore.  She just rolled over in bed and I couldn't even kiss her.  I'm so sick of everything.  And change doesn't help.  Nothing helps anymore.  I don't even know if anything helped ever.  There were hopes and dreams, wishes, but nothing happened.  It just all fizzled away into nothingness.  I'm just so tired of being stepped on and run over.  I want to go back to being a bad person because at least I was good at it.  People hated me and despised me.  At least they didn't feel nothing.  Now I feel like I don't even feel anything about myself.  Except for maybe hate.  I hate myself.  I just want to die.  I want to not exist anymore because I feel like nothing is worth living anymore.  Not even love.  The precious love I held so dearly in my heart.  The empty promises of someone taking my heart and being gentle with it.  All I got were insults and slaps in the face.  I feel like I'm nothing.  Just empty.  Just wasting space.  Maybe I should just kill myself.  Or hurt myself.  I don't want to go on like this anymore.  It's not worth it.  But I'm not even brave enough to try.  I'm just trash.  A piece of trash blowing in the wind.

Ramblings of the Day....

Well it's Memorial Day.  It was fun.  Ate food and had a good time.  I wish Jamie was happier.  I know there's so much she needs to know, to realize.  I hate seeing her in pain.  I know she wants to be something bigger and better.  It hurts me so much to not see her dreams come true.  I wish there was so much more I could do.  I wish I had this magical fairy wand that could just turn her into everything she wanted and made all her dreams come true.  I love her so much and hate to see her in pain.  I wish so much for her to be truly happy.  I feel so much pain knowing that I'm happy and she isn't.  And it is such a small wish but with such big circumstances.  There is so much needed to achieve it.  And there's nothing I can do but reassure her and be there for her.  It makes me want to cry so much because I feel powerless.  All I want in this world is our happiness.

So we've been living here for 3 weeks now...

I think we should have a little outing when we've lived here for a month.  I can't wait!  Though we'll prob be at my parents house when that happens.  But that's fine we can celebrate that Friday that we've been living together for a month.  It should be awesome!  I can't wait to see Carlos on Tuesday.  It's going to be so exciting!  It's going to be so much fun.  I can't wait to see my mom and dad.  It's going to be so exciting.  I have to plan stuff to do for the rest of the week so she doesn't get bored.  I don't want her to want to go home in the middle of the week.  Besides we have to do food shopping for the week too, so that should be fun.  Hopefully my dad will want to take us somewhere on Monday afternoon after my dentist appointment.  Let's see where could I take him?  I want to take him to Maggiano's, but they have that here.  Maybe we could go to OTB, but that would require bus money.  I would want to go to PF Changs and I'm sure he would love it.  A chinese bistro with all the trimmings!  Can't wait!  I'm just so excited to travel with her.  We've never travelled together.  It should be lots of fun!

Good Afternoon! It is a beautiful day!

Actually, it's dark and rainy, but all the days are beautiful now that Jamie and I are living together! I am so happy!  This is such a great time in my life.  I don't think I've ever been happier.  I'm this little housewife and I'm waiting for my beautiful princess to come home every day from work with dinner on the table.  It's so exciting!  Yesterday I did laundry and went food shopping.  So it was a fun day. I made dinner.  Today she just left for a work a while ago and now I'm straightening up the laundry and our room.  I'm probably going to take a nap after I'm done.  Then I will make dinner.  We're having soup tonight.  It's been such a wonderful start to a wonderful new life.  The sex has been great.  Really great.  Much better than usual.  It's been awesome.  I can't describe it. Until next time...

I am SOOO EXCITED!

Finally my dreams have come true!  Jamie and I will finally be living together starting this Friday!  I am so excited!  She's finally decided to commit and I'm so happy!  I can't wait!  We'll be getting our own apartment and everything is going to be wonderful!  I hope things turn out best for us.  I've tried and struggled so hard to get this far.  We both have.  It's been a long four years and finally everything is falling into place.  I just for Domi to back down a little bit so we can finally move forward!  I'm so happy!  Until next time...