It's 4:34am...

I just don't get it.  What is the big deal with Jamie and her friends?  Why does she need to be alone with them without me?  And why can't she ever just take me with her?  I don't understand.  It's not fair.  I don't have any friends here and she knows that.  I just wish she was more considerate.  And this was supposed to be "our" week together.  She wouldn't even let me go to my parents house for a couple of days cuz it was supposed to be "our" time together.  It just isn't fair and I don't understand it all.  Especially after the last time she got drunk and I had to go get her.  She promised she would never do it again, and here she is doing it again.  Maybe she doesn't remember saying that to me cuz she was drunk but still.  It isn't fair.

Listening to depressing Colombian music...haha,....

Today has been a very Colombian day, with lots of delicious Colombian food and some good Colombian and holiday music. It has been an exciting and wonderful week, aside from the fact that I`ve missed Jamie so much.  I can`t wait to see her on Tuesday!  It`s going to be so awesome!  I`m so excited!!!  I bought some new headphones today at Walmart and we went food shopping.  We bought a lot of stuff.  It was really fun.  I don`t know what else to write so until next time...perhaps later on......

Lady Gaga is so Awesome!

She is so inspiring!  I love her music and her message for equality for all.  She is just such a great person.  Anyway...  Just listening to Lady Gaga non stop!  Did everything I wanted to do today except go to Walmart, but we`ll go tomorrow, which is awesome.  It`s a 24 hour one now which is so cool!  My week here has been great so far.  There have been a few mishaps with my parents, but things have gotten patched up and better.  I`m so glad I came to see them  and that they are doing so well.  They miss me lots and I miss them too but this separation has done us all much good.  We are all learning to live our own lives and individuals and they are as a couple without a child.  And I`m learning to live independently as an adult.  It`s so awesome.  Until next time.......

Today was a long day....

I did a lot today.  I went shopping and bought Jamie some undies and a shirt and necklace for Thanksgiving.  I can`t wait!  I want to order some prints to send with my christmas cards.  That would be so cool.  A pic for each person in my family, which would also mean taking a new pic with Jaimie which is hard enough.  I wish she would go to the love statue with me and take a pic there.  But since I already went there she won`t go with me.  Dinner was great, we had quesadillas with mashed potatoes which were awesome!  I wonder if my dad brought with him the shirt I wanted for Jamie`s mom.  Be right back....

I haven`t updated in a while....

I`m at my parent`s house in Jersey for a week to spend my dad`s birthday with him and things have been really cool.  I`ve been having lots of fun with them and have been missing them very much.  I also miss Jamie a lot too. I love her so much and she`s so special to me.  I wish she was here.  Other than that just hanging out with my parents and having a good time.  More updates later on....

So I recovered from my crisis last night....

After having cried for like an hour and listening to depressing music.... I talked to Jaimie and th ings were ok.  Yesterday was so special.  It was the best day of my life.  We shared such an intimate moment together and it makes me so happy.  I can't wait for this week when she has a day off and we can just be together all day.  I miss her while she's at work.  It's very hard for me to be apart from her.  I'm very sentimental and she's not. She's a bit more detached than I am.  I'm like my mother.  She's like her mother and her father.  Idk.  They are so weird.  But I do miss living with them.  I miss our dinners with the family.  Our new apartment is great and we are having a blast.  I am so glad that we are finally fulfilling our dreams.  I just need to get things going with school and I should be just fine. It's raining today which sucks cuz I wanted to go to Rite Aid.  I might take my umbrella and go.  I want to get my eyebrows done too so I might do that.  Alright, be back later.....

It's 8:11PM...

And there is still no heat, hot water, or gas.  WTF!  This is bullshit! Watching Avatar.  Don't get it, but it looks good.  BRB.

It's 3:19am....

And I'm still thinking about how the fuck bluetooth works on my computer!  It's easy on Jim's computer.  He has a 3gb ram and a really fast processor.  Mine does not.  It's a netbook and only comes with windows7 starter which I still don't understand what that means.  It's really frustrating me.  I think I got too small of a computer.  It doesn't do what I want it to do.  Sigh....  I guess Jaime can figure that out tomorrow after she has her fucking McRib sandwich that is driving me crazy!  We totally had a fight about it and that really pissed me off.  It was so stupid.  And the type is so small on my blog.  I  hate small type.  Oh well, until next time.....

It's 2:25PM.....

I'm at my girlfriend's house and we just sex.  It was amazing.  I surprised her with some sexy lingerie and she was very excited.  We had an awesome time.  She drew me two little pictures, one of a monkey with bananas, and the other of a heart that says A + J.  Sigh... And all on little orange index cards!  I love her so much!  She is so awesome! She makes me so happy!  Now I have to find something else to make myself happy.  Something that will fulfill me and keep me occupied during the day.  Perhaps a job or maybe if things work out, school.  My ultimate goal is to finish college and get my master's in Occupational Therapy.  But it doesn't seem like things are going towards that direction.  I will not stop trying though.  As far as everything else, my bronchitis is better and there is no heating system in my house so hopefully that will be fixed and over with.  I guess this is it for now.  Until next time..........  PS:  I wish I had comments on my blog.  It's like no one reads it.  POO!

Just finished watching tv.....

I was watching 16 and pregnant for some reason.  It is a very odd show.  Some girls are happy, some are miserable, but they all usually have something more than pregnancy in common.  They don't realize  how much of a big sacrifice they have to make for their baby.  AND... they don't realize how important their parents are in their lives and the impact they have on them and on the baby.  It makes me think of a few months ago when I thought I was pregnant...for the 2nd time... and how I was dealing with it.  In some ways I was happy.  For a long time I didn't want to have a baby.  Why the fuck would I want a rugrat that screams, cries, and craps?  That sounded so annoying!  And then I started to get older and I was realizing that a baby was not something I could handle.  First of all, my girlfriend is not interested in having a baby right now.  Especially not one of his own.  She has her reasons, and I do understand where she's coming from.  Next is the fact that I had an epiphany the other day.  It wasn't really an epiphany because it was something I already knew, but maybe I wasn't ready to accept. It was the fact that I am NOT ready to have a baby.  My life right now is way too crazy to be thinking about supporting someone else's life.  I mean, yes, I am 30, and I am mature, but there is so much going on right now and so much going through my head, how the fuck would I be able to handle a baby?  No way.  Babies are too much responsibility.  Your baby has to be your life.  It changes your life forever and completely.  And I'm not ready for that at all.    I mean I have some kind of stability in my life right now.  I have an apartment, I live with my girlfriend, and I'm independent.  But there is so much in my head that I'm not even sure what to do with it.  I thank my parents every day for what they did for me, and I apologize too for all the shit I put them through, but I also thank God that I am here on my own.  It makes me sane, to some extent.  So now I am thanking God, or whoever/whatever runs the universe that I am at where I am at.  I am good right now.  And I thank everyone in my life for that.  And of course I have to give myself most of the credit because it is my life, afterall.  Now I'm trying to think about what my point was, but I think I have made it right now.  So I will leave you with this, until next time....as always.....

So it's 6:46....

I'm awake and have this horrible head cold that won't go away.  I don't want to do anything today, but try and get back to sleep, but that doesn't seem to want to happen so we'll see how long this lasts. I probably have my poor girlfriend annoyed because of the light and the typing  but she sounds asleep so we shall see.  I wonder if my blog should be themed.  I mean it is usually about my adventures through life and whatever else is going on, but maybe I should start a new blog writing about something I love.  Like my newly found love for ceramics, perhaps, idk.  I remember being in the hospital once and doing ceramics, but I never got to finish my project because I didn't stay very long.  But now I can do anything I want which is really awesome.  I'm working on Halloween this month and have three projects I'm working on.  My next class is tonight at 7 so we'll see if  I can make it because I want to finish my projects by Halloween and I can't make it next week on Wednesday because I have a doctor's appointment at 11am.  So maybe I will stop being afraid and go from 7 to 10pm instead on Thursdays.  I mean, it's Philly and at night, so idk.  I've never really been out that late alone.  I'll ask Jamie what it's like, she would know.  I also want to go to City Hall today and go to the top to see William Penn and take lots of pictures.  I wonder if it costs anything? Hopefully I will be up to it.  Then I have to go see my psychologist which should be fun because I have a lot of great news for her.  The only sad news is that Jamie is not sure if she wants to live with me or not, and now that I have the money that would be a possibility.  So I will just get my own place and see her on the weekend like we used to do.  Then we'll see what the future holds.  I just wish she was more enthusiastic about things.  She's not.  I'm always the excited one.  She's always blah about everything.  It's so depressing sometimes.  But then when she sees that I am depressed she tries to enthuse me about other things, but as far as our relationship goes, she wants me out of this house and fast.  I can understand because living here is not fun.  His dad is not a great person, he's ok, I think I'm the only one who understands him to a certain point, but he's so nit picky about everything.  He's such a pain in the ass.  Sometimes I feel like shoving something in his mouth so he can't talk.  He says the stupidest shit sometimes and doesn't think about what he says and then we go at it and sometimes I end up crying.  Jamie says we are a lot alike but I don't think I am like him.  He has his own problems.  Yes, we like to argue on purpose and like to get a rise out of each other, but sometimes he takes it too far.  I tried not talking to him for a while, but that didn't last long.  And EVERYTHING bothers him.  So I made a piece offering with a piece of cheesecake and that was the end to the silent treatment.  So now things are just ok with him.  I just can't wait to have my own piece of mind without another father figure around. I really don't need him to tell me what to do.  It drives me crazy.  I came here running away from that and that's what I'm getting, another dad.  It's such a pain in the ass.  Idk, maybe I pay too much attention to him, so I shall move on.  So on a more happier note, I will be receiving a nice sum of money soon from financial aid and I wonder what I am going to do with it.  Of course, Jamie being Jamie told me to make sure not to blow it all on nothing, which is what I would have probably done if I wasn't in desperate need of money for other things right now.  And there's the fact that I have to save up for school.  So I figured I would give her some money, since I owe her a lot since I've moved here.  Then I would give my parents some money.  Then I would spend a little bit on myself, perhaps buy some clothes for this bitter weather and some music and a decent mp3 player.  And then save up the rest for my future college tuition.  That sounds like a plan.  I'd  probably be spending half of what's left so that isn't so bad.  I just hope the refund comes quickly.  It couldn't come sooner!  I hate the fall.  I thought I would like it since I'm from Europa and it's cold there and here I'm usually always hot, but it's getting so bitter.  And there isn't any heat in the house until winter.  I'm just glad I'm trying to leave this house as soon as possible.  Maybe my rommates wil have heat.  That would be nice.  I think this is the longest blog I've ever done.  I've just had a lot on my mind lately.  Also there's the fact that I might be pregnant which is really freaking me out. I don't want to be pregant.  I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to take care of a baby?  I mean the thought has crossed my mind, it would be nice to have a child, but my life is not stable enough right now.  And as far as abortions go, I don't know if I would want to give it up.  I know Jamie wouldn't want the baby, so that makes things worse.  And where would I keep it?  I'm going to be living in a small room in a large house with two other women.   That's not the life I want a baby to have.  Idk, I just wish things would be a lot easier and that there wasn't always all this drama in my life.  And we've been safe, so I don't know how this could happen.  I guess, I'll just have to wait and see.  I mean, I'm not having any endocrine issues right now that would stop me from getting my period and I'm having a lot of the pregnancy symptoms.  I have skipped periods before but it hasn't felt this bad.  I don't know.  I just don't need this right now. I have enough stress in my life.  Idk, if I try to look at it in a more postive way, a baby would ground me, which a lot of people say I need.  But no, I don't need babies in my life right now.  Ok, I think I've talked about everything so I'll just say, until next time..................

Updates....after such a long time....

Let's see.... It's been a really long time, over a month since I last posted on here.  A lot of things have happened. A lot of things have changed.  But I am back with a vengeance.  I'll be living on a new street starting November 1st and then saving up money to get a place with Jamie, which is going to be awesome!  I just saw the movie Julie and Julia and it inspired me to get back into this.  I was writing on my myspace but nobody really uses myspace anymore.  This is a much better way to blog.  So I started school and it's going great.  I'm getting a lot of financial aid this year so I am going to save up for my apartment with Jim.  I can't wait!  It's going to be awesome! I just told him the news and he was really happy!  Things are turning out great!  I have a bit of a cold, but I should be getting better soon.  I also started ceramics classes which are so awesome and so fun.  I'm going to  look into starting dance or singing lessons soon so there's a lot going on right now and I'm really happy.  I haven't been this happy in a long time!  Ok, so until next time.............

So I'm going back to NJ tomorrow....

Or rather today, just later today.  I'm not really excited since it's not going to be a fun trip with the dentist and all.  But seeing my family will be awesome.  I will miss my princess very much, even though she won't miss me....she is so odd....she's like if you were gone for 6 months then I would miss you, and I'm like whatever cuz I would miss her even if she went to the bathroom.  I guess love is different for everyone.  Or maybe I'm just a bit obsessed.  Who knows.  I love her very much.  I love her more than anything else in the world.  And I know she loves me in her own way.  We just had an awesome day.  And we finished it off with icing on the cake.  Now it is off to dream land where I hope to have good dreams and a good night's sleep to get up in the morning and go to my parent's house. So until next time....

So it's 1:45 am.....

And I'm sitting here with my gf asleep and I'm kinda tired, but figured I would do some blogging and internet stuff before I go to bed.  There is lots to tell!  I was thinking of being either Wonder Woman for Halloween or the Tin Woman for Halloween so we shall have to see what I like better!! And what my plans are for Halloween.  We still don't know what Jaimie is going to be.  I say be Ariel, but who knows.  I'm going to my parent's house on Monday if things go well and I'm feeling better, which I have been.  I will miss Jaimie terribly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am going to buy some new leggings that I saw in purple, black, and brown, since I already have grey so that would be awesome!  I can't wait!  I should have called the store to see if they had them.  Maybe I'll do that on Monday.  What else?  I have no idea what we're going to do tomorrow.  I know I def. want to have sex and lots of it so that will probably end up happening. FINALLY!  It's going to be awesome!! Hopefully she likes the spice cake I made.  I also have to finish packing for my trip, but all my clothes are packed so that is good.  Alright I think that's all for now.  Until next time....

It's 2am and I'm still awake.....

So again I am going to have another sleepless night, and sleepful day, which is to be expected.  That really pisses me off because my sleep cycle is out of whack, but my sinuses have been really bothering me and not letting sleep.  Not to mention the trains passing by my ears with the whooshing noise, which is so annoying.  And the soar throat, runny nose and allergy symptoms.  It's a viral infection and all the dr. said was to take zyrtec d.  i guess i have to ride this one out but it sucks cuz I had so much planned for this weekend and for labor day and for the rest of the week.  And tomorrow Jaimie's going to Kevin's house and I will be all alone for most of the afternoon and the evening.  I guess I could watch a few movies I haven't watched.  Maybe I could get some popcorn and just snuggle up in bed with the tv or the laptop.  I just don't want to spend all day sleeping.  I desperately need to go food shopping for the weekend since I am not going to my parent's house till Monday.  So hopefully I will wake up early enough to do that with Jaimie.  I guess that's all for now.  Until next time....

Update: Not going to NJ this weekend...

Poo, no BBQ for me this weekend.  I will spending the weekend at home, sick, getting some much needed rest, that for some reason I can't get at night.  That is so odd.  I keep having these nightmares.  They're really starting to freak me out.  But when I sleep during the day, I sleep like a baby.  It is so odd.  And then I keep getting these feelings like I'm having a fever and I'm not which is extremely strange.  My body is trying to tell me something and I have no clue as to what that is.  I keep getting the migraines all the time so then I rest or eat and I feel better.  But I can't be resting and eating all day.  I have stuff to do.  Idk what I'm going to do when school starts.  I need to be awake and stuff and this is not helping.  Idk maybe I need to keep my meds in check, but I've been doing that ok.  It's just so odd.  Well I have my Jaimie to take care of me, which she has been doing so well at.  I will miss her tomorrow when she goes to Kevin's, but she needs her fun too!  Alright until next time.....

The Day 'O Hell!

So today was starting off right, woke up early, was online for a while, enjoyed my girlfriend's company, went to the library, AND THEN, all hell broke loose!  I got call after call of bad news, mail with bad news, bills, wrong deposit places, new atm pins, all of this bullshit for what??? For NOTHING!  Just to make my life miserable at the beginning of the month, like every month for the past few months, which totally sucks!  Idk if it's movers bad luck.  Maybe.  But my day was shit.  Right now I am just trying to figure shit out and make sense of it all, this big mess of crap that was thrown in my face on the first! FUCK!  But right now I'm recuperating from it nicely in a cool room, awesome company, some bowling, great chicken cheesesteak, and maybe some ice cream later.  There were lots of tears too!  So all in all I'm just calm and collected for now, we shall see what tomorrow brings.  Until tomorrow..........

So it's 5:39 am.....

I actually got some decent sleep last night and the night before that so I am awake and typing away.  My gf on the other hand didn't get too much sleep so she was tired and went to bed and is still in bed.  My leg keeps falling asleep and I wonder if it's poor circulation.  IDK!  And then my heels are swollen, it is rather weird.  So what is new....hmm....  I am going to my parents house this Saturday and am staying there for a week and a few days to enjoy Labor Day with the family and let my gf have some space.  We both need space, I guess.  Living together is not easy especially for her.  She needs her alone time and her sleep.  And sometimes I don't give that to her.  As far as my little friend goes things have been going smoothly so far except for two days ago when it was the day 'o hell, which was my second day with it and it totally sucked.  I thought I had a fever and was in bed all day.  But my gf took care of me greatly and she is awesome!  I love her very much!!!!  Friday we are going to have Chinks for dinner so I am excited.  They are having 5 dollar large cheesesteaks for Fridays in September.  That is awesome!  Fuck, my leg is falling asleep again!  Olivia Munn had this great quote on her website the other day from ComicCon2009 and it stated "The word FUCK should not be a curse word, it should be a punctuation!"  That is so awesome and totally true!! It is one of my favorite words EVER!  Jaimie is trying to sleep so I think  I will stop typing now.  Until next time...............

Today reminded me of the fact that I HATE Mondays...sigh....

So today is Monday and the second day that my little friend is here....YES boys and girls...my period.  And the fact that it doesn't help that I HATE Mondays in general makes it completely worse!  I got 2 and a half hours of sleep last night and I was having these really weird dreams where I couldn't wake up and I was physically trying to wake up but I couldn't and then after one dream after another I FINALLY woke up and realized it was all just a bad dream, AND  it was like 6am.  So here I am blogging instead of sleeping in on a Monday.  I hate my period.  It's probably one of the worst things in a woman's life.  It doesn't do anything good for you, yes there are the physiological aspects of it but I am not going to go in depth about those factors, and it just completely sucks.  Especially if you're never planning on getting pregnant. EVER!  It denies you from having sex for a week + and it makes you feel like shit in the process.  It is just one of the most annoying things nature could have come up with.  I don't know what women did to deserve this but it should have been something really bad.  I don't believe in the bible, but if Eve did fuck up, THANKS A LOT EVE!  Ok, I think I've done enough bitching for one morning so I will just say until later......

And the Madness Continues.....

So my 30th Birthday was a blast!  I had an awesome time and it was very special to me, thanks to everyone, especially Jaimie.  I love her so much.  She is the best thing in my life.  But now I feel an emptiness.  Like it's all over and now I have to go back to reality and look at things from pre-birthday mode.  The party's over and it's back to the grind, so they say, but in my case it's not a job.  It's starting school, figuring out how I'm going to do that and finish without going crazy, finding something else to do to fill up my time, and thank God that I have Jaimie who is a life saver and is letting me use her laptop for my classes since my dad bought us the bed so now he can't afford to buy me a new laptop.  That is awesome.  Jaimie is the best.  And so are my parents.  I so love my cake! WOOHOO!  So that is good news.  I'm still waiting to hear from financial aid so I think I'll call them on Monday and see what happens and then call Jessica to see where we stand and when we are going to meet.  I could really use a drink right now but I promised Jaimie I would stop.  It's not good for me and just the fact that I thought I could control it should make me stop altogether.  So no more drinking.  I was actually thinking about starting to go to those AA meetings at the church and see what that's about and Jaimie is willing to go with me which is awesome.  And maybe I need to start opening up to Dr. Patrick more.  I need to talk about my personal life, not just listen to him lecture me on male behaviour.  I need to buy the book behavioral therapy for dummies, cbt for dummies, and some other books and videos I want.  So I def. want to go back to school and finally finish even if it puts me in deep shit with no money right now for anything.  I have to think about the rent first and I don't think Jaimie can pay for her half this month and I already owe her like a ton of money so who knows what will happen with that.  And then there's the food stamps case.  How can they expect someone to live on 37 dollars a month for food? That is just ridiculous!  Hopefully that will all be straightened out by September 3rd or whenever my next payment goes through.  And that think with Social Security is driving me up a wall.  So hopefully that will all be solved by the beginning of next month and then I can pay my rent and buy food and live happily.  Well, until next time....

Good Morning Everyone!

So it's 1:17am and I'm awake.  I took a few hours nap today and even though I took two sleeping pills tonight I can't go to sleep.  My girlfriend is in dreamland right here next to me.  I wish I could do the same.  We have very weird sleeping patterns.  I must have my early morning wake up, my afternoon nap, and then some time on the computer if I'm not exhausted.  She wakes up in the morning a little later than I do,  we have sex, then she plays video games or goes onto the computer, no naps, and then it's off to bed.  Of course there are meals in between and all of that, but that's our basic routine.  I can't wait till my birthday!  It's going to be so awesome to have a party with everyone!  I hope Andrew makes it.  Hopefully we'll have it at Ashley's house or here at my house, that would be awesome.  I would invite all of our friends and we would have a blast.  It's in 11 days and I can't wait!  It's going to be so awesome!!!  I want a huge cake with cannoli cream inside and butter cream outside with rainbow sprinkles and orange frosting.  YUMMY!  I need to invite Beth too.  I wonder if she would come to my party.  Hopefully she can make it.  Other than the party preperations  I have to start thinking about school.  I have an appointment with my education coach on Wednesday and hopefully we will have good news for each other.  I have to call financial aid tomorrow to see what is going on.  They have all of my paperwork except for the tax forms, which I have to mail in and get a response back from them and then send the paperwork to FDU.  I can't wait to start school! It's going to be so awesome, but it makes me so anxious.  I just have to keep breathing and try to keep working at it because I know I can do it.  All right, until next time.....................

4am....Feeling Much Better!

So it's 4 am and I'm sitting here awake from all the sleep I got yesterday.  I had a fever all day and felt like shit.  It sucked really bad.  I have so much to do and I've been sick for the past couple of days so I have to catch up  on my to do list.  My room needs a lot of organizing, I have to set up appointments,  I have to go see my therpist, my education coach, and I have no idea what Jaimie is going to do while I'm gone to these appointments.  I want her to stay here but she also needs time to herself so maybe this will be a good opportunity.  Other than that, things are going pretty well.  I wish I had some cough medicine with codeine to take.  My cough is driving me crazy.  I need to post some pics on here.  I have to find new ones to post though. Alright well I will try to catch some more zz's and then see what I can do in the morning.  Until next time......

I have to do this for my sanity......

There's no way I can turn back now.  I have to move forward otherwise I will keep living in fear forever.  He needs to pay for what he has done to me and to all the other children.  Though I am no longer a child I need to stop him from doing this to anyone else ever again.  I did the right thing and hopefully something will be done to stop him and then maybe I can have a good night sleep some time soon.  I have to be brave.

Vertigo.....Need I Say More?

Well today started off really well.  Did some laundry, worked on some school stuff, did the usual.  And then in the afternoon when I got back from going to Rite Aid and meeting up with my boyfriend there things got a little out of hand.  We went upstairs to my room and I started getting really dizzy and feeling nauseated so I took my vertigo pill and that wasn't helping and then I got a massive migrane so I knew this was something serious.  So I asked my bf to bring me some water and once I drank it I ran to the bathroom and puked my brains out.  It was the most horrible because I haven't thrown up in a while from the vertigo.  Everything usually just spins and spins, but no usual stomach problems.  So I think my sugar got too high.  I had a oreo milkshake for lunch and that might have done the trick.  And then the soda.... I am so obsessed.  I need to get off of that stuff so bad!  It's just really hard to do!!!  I cleaned up my mess and brushed my teeth and then felt much better.  I tripped and hurt my toe on this beam thing that was in the bathroom, i have no fucking idea what that was. Oh well.  I put it against the wall so any further injuries could be prevented.  Then my princess had to go home and sleep cuz she has a big trip planned for work tomorrow so she left and tried to comfort me as much as she could.  And now I'm here just typing this.  I feel much better. I went to Wawa and bought this black tea with lemon iced drink which was soooo good. Got a few of those for tomorrow.  I need to figure out what is going to happen with food for this month asap!  So that was my day, and until next time!

I CAN'T FIND MY PHONE!

Fuck!!!!!  I can't find my phone!!! This sux! and now it's like 1am and i'm here freaking out cuz I can't find my phone and now I can't sleep!  What am I going to do!  I wish it wasn't this late so I could ask Beth to call it for me!!!!  I tried texting it but I didn't hear anything.  WTF!!!!!!!

The start of something new!

So this is like my umpteenth time starting a blog, except my previous blog was on Xanga, and then on MyDearDiary, and the list goes on so I think I will take some wisdom from my good friend and roommate Beth and start one here.  So today I want to talk about babies.  The babies are sleeping.  They took their bottles and just went to sleep.  When have I ever done that?  I don't think I can even remember ever going right to sleep as a child.  It sux!  It always takes me forever to go to sleep!  I can't even fake sleep!  It's so funny.  I start laughing and my face turns red.  Idk. Anyway,  I just wish I could blissfully go to sleep instead of having all these crazy random thoughts go through my head, all these constant worries, all these amazing fantasies, well maybe that's not so bad, but you get the idea.  I just can't fall right to sleep.  Beth's kids just take their bottle and boom!  It's so awesome.  Especially when they're exhausted.  I can't even do that!!!!  It makes me crazy.  I should start talking about Jaimie.  I love her so much.  She is the most beautiful person in the world.  She is my life, my everything.  I don't know what I would do without her.  Having a girlfriend is just awesome.  There's just one little secret!  Jaimie is a boy.  But Jaimie is also a girl, inside anyway.  And I LOVE her!   Right now I'm thinking about the water bugs.  They're probably crawling all over the living room! AGHH!  I have to stop thinking about them otherwise I will spaz out.  haha.  Anyway, I'm getting tired and I've talked about my topic of the day so I will go to bed and until next time!