Today reminded me of the fact that I HATE Mondays...sigh....

So today is Monday and the second day that my little friend is here....YES boys and girls...my period.  And the fact that it doesn't help that I HATE Mondays in general makes it completely worse!  I got 2 and a half hours of sleep last night and I was having these really weird dreams where I couldn't wake up and I was physically trying to wake up but I couldn't and then after one dream after another I FINALLY woke up and realized it was all just a bad dream, AND  it was like 6am.  So here I am blogging instead of sleeping in on a Monday.  I hate my period.  It's probably one of the worst things in a woman's life.  It doesn't do anything good for you, yes there are the physiological aspects of it but I am not going to go in depth about those factors, and it just completely sucks.  Especially if you're never planning on getting pregnant. EVER!  It denies you from having sex for a week + and it makes you feel like shit in the process.  It is just one of the most annoying things nature could have come up with.  I don't know what women did to deserve this but it should have been something really bad.  I don't believe in the bible, but if Eve did fuck up, THANKS A LOT EVE!  Ok, I think I've done enough bitching for one morning so I will just say until later......

And the Madness Continues.....

So my 30th Birthday was a blast!  I had an awesome time and it was very special to me, thanks to everyone, especially Jaimie.  I love her so much.  She is the best thing in my life.  But now I feel an emptiness.  Like it's all over and now I have to go back to reality and look at things from pre-birthday mode.  The party's over and it's back to the grind, so they say, but in my case it's not a job.  It's starting school, figuring out how I'm going to do that and finish without going crazy, finding something else to do to fill up my time, and thank God that I have Jaimie who is a life saver and is letting me use her laptop for my classes since my dad bought us the bed so now he can't afford to buy me a new laptop.  That is awesome.  Jaimie is the best.  And so are my parents.  I so love my cake! WOOHOO!  So that is good news.  I'm still waiting to hear from financial aid so I think I'll call them on Monday and see what happens and then call Jessica to see where we stand and when we are going to meet.  I could really use a drink right now but I promised Jaimie I would stop.  It's not good for me and just the fact that I thought I could control it should make me stop altogether.  So no more drinking.  I was actually thinking about starting to go to those AA meetings at the church and see what that's about and Jaimie is willing to go with me which is awesome.  And maybe I need to start opening up to Dr. Patrick more.  I need to talk about my personal life, not just listen to him lecture me on male behaviour.  I need to buy the book behavioral therapy for dummies, cbt for dummies, and some other books and videos I want.  So I def. want to go back to school and finally finish even if it puts me in deep shit with no money right now for anything.  I have to think about the rent first and I don't think Jaimie can pay for her half this month and I already owe her like a ton of money so who knows what will happen with that.  And then there's the food stamps case.  How can they expect someone to live on 37 dollars a month for food? That is just ridiculous!  Hopefully that will all be straightened out by September 3rd or whenever my next payment goes through.  And that think with Social Security is driving me up a wall.  So hopefully that will all be solved by the beginning of next month and then I can pay my rent and buy food and live happily.  Well, until next time....

Good Morning Everyone!

So it's 1:17am and I'm awake.  I took a few hours nap today and even though I took two sleeping pills tonight I can't go to sleep.  My girlfriend is in dreamland right here next to me.  I wish I could do the same.  We have very weird sleeping patterns.  I must have my early morning wake up, my afternoon nap, and then some time on the computer if I'm not exhausted.  She wakes up in the morning a little later than I do,  we have sex, then she plays video games or goes onto the computer, no naps, and then it's off to bed.  Of course there are meals in between and all of that, but that's our basic routine.  I can't wait till my birthday!  It's going to be so awesome to have a party with everyone!  I hope Andrew makes it.  Hopefully we'll have it at Ashley's house or here at my house, that would be awesome.  I would invite all of our friends and we would have a blast.  It's in 11 days and I can't wait!  It's going to be so awesome!!!  I want a huge cake with cannoli cream inside and butter cream outside with rainbow sprinkles and orange frosting.  YUMMY!  I need to invite Beth too.  I wonder if she would come to my party.  Hopefully she can make it.  Other than the party preperations  I have to start thinking about school.  I have an appointment with my education coach on Wednesday and hopefully we will have good news for each other.  I have to call financial aid tomorrow to see what is going on.  They have all of my paperwork except for the tax forms, which I have to mail in and get a response back from them and then send the paperwork to FDU.  I can't wait to start school! It's going to be so awesome, but it makes me so anxious.  I just have to keep breathing and try to keep working at it because I know I can do it.  All right, until next time.....................

4am....Feeling Much Better!

So it's 4 am and I'm sitting here awake from all the sleep I got yesterday.  I had a fever all day and felt like shit.  It sucked really bad.  I have so much to do and I've been sick for the past couple of days so I have to catch up  on my to do list.  My room needs a lot of organizing, I have to set up appointments,  I have to go see my therpist, my education coach, and I have no idea what Jaimie is going to do while I'm gone to these appointments.  I want her to stay here but she also needs time to herself so maybe this will be a good opportunity.  Other than that, things are going pretty well.  I wish I had some cough medicine with codeine to take.  My cough is driving me crazy.  I need to post some pics on here.  I have to find new ones to post though. Alright well I will try to catch some more zz's and then see what I can do in the morning.  Until next time......

I have to do this for my sanity......

There's no way I can turn back now.  I have to move forward otherwise I will keep living in fear forever.  He needs to pay for what he has done to me and to all the other children.  Though I am no longer a child I need to stop him from doing this to anyone else ever again.  I did the right thing and hopefully something will be done to stop him and then maybe I can have a good night sleep some time soon.  I have to be brave.

Vertigo.....Need I Say More?

Well today started off really well.  Did some laundry, worked on some school stuff, did the usual.  And then in the afternoon when I got back from going to Rite Aid and meeting up with my boyfriend there things got a little out of hand.  We went upstairs to my room and I started getting really dizzy and feeling nauseated so I took my vertigo pill and that wasn't helping and then I got a massive migrane so I knew this was something serious.  So I asked my bf to bring me some water and once I drank it I ran to the bathroom and puked my brains out.  It was the most horrible because I haven't thrown up in a while from the vertigo.  Everything usually just spins and spins, but no usual stomach problems.  So I think my sugar got too high.  I had a oreo milkshake for lunch and that might have done the trick.  And then the soda.... I am so obsessed.  I need to get off of that stuff so bad!  It's just really hard to do!!!  I cleaned up my mess and brushed my teeth and then felt much better.  I tripped and hurt my toe on this beam thing that was in the bathroom, i have no fucking idea what that was. Oh well.  I put it against the wall so any further injuries could be prevented.  Then my princess had to go home and sleep cuz she has a big trip planned for work tomorrow so she left and tried to comfort me as much as she could.  And now I'm here just typing this.  I feel much better. I went to Wawa and bought this black tea with lemon iced drink which was soooo good. Got a few of those for tomorrow.  I need to figure out what is going to happen with food for this month asap!  So that was my day, and until next time!

I CAN'T FIND MY PHONE!

Fuck!!!!!  I can't find my phone!!! This sux! and now it's like 1am and i'm here freaking out cuz I can't find my phone and now I can't sleep!  What am I going to do!  I wish it wasn't this late so I could ask Beth to call it for me!!!!  I tried texting it but I didn't hear anything.  WTF!!!!!!!

The start of something new!

So this is like my umpteenth time starting a blog, except my previous blog was on Xanga, and then on MyDearDiary, and the list goes on so I think I will take some wisdom from my good friend and roommate Beth and start one here.  So today I want to talk about babies.  The babies are sleeping.  They took their bottles and just went to sleep.  When have I ever done that?  I don't think I can even remember ever going right to sleep as a child.  It sux!  It always takes me forever to go to sleep!  I can't even fake sleep!  It's so funny.  I start laughing and my face turns red.  Idk. Anyway,  I just wish I could blissfully go to sleep instead of having all these crazy random thoughts go through my head, all these constant worries, all these amazing fantasies, well maybe that's not so bad, but you get the idea.  I just can't fall right to sleep.  Beth's kids just take their bottle and boom!  It's so awesome.  Especially when they're exhausted.  I can't even do that!!!!  It makes me crazy.  I should start talking about Jaimie.  I love her so much.  She is the most beautiful person in the world.  She is my life, my everything.  I don't know what I would do without her.  Having a girlfriend is just awesome.  There's just one little secret!  Jaimie is a boy.  But Jaimie is also a girl, inside anyway.  And I LOVE her!   Right now I'm thinking about the water bugs.  They're probably crawling all over the living room! AGHH!  I have to stop thinking about them otherwise I will spaz out.  haha.  Anyway, I'm getting tired and I've talked about my topic of the day so I will go to bed and until next time!